3 Monthers and a day

Wow. So I just read all the old blogs I wrote since I moved here. I was such a wreck when I got here. Man am I glad those days were over. I guess it is time for me to start writing not only to y'all back in da p-town, but all of you here at "home" too. I have mixed feelings about a mistake I made the other day. I was talking to some people (very late at night might I add) and I was saying something about how Denver differs from home, and when I went to reference Portland I said "back home in Denver" and I almost shocked my bum off the couch. I think it's good cause at least I am not the squished oddball wincey banana mite I was when I first got here, but at the same time it's such an odd numbing feeling almost...I feel like I am numb to Portland or something...like it's just another city that maybe I have visited but not really anyplace special. That makes me want to vomit because I HIGHLY do NOT want to feel that way. I miss all my babe's back in p-town, but if I was to come back right now I would feel weird. I don't feel completely at home here yet, but I know I wouldn't feel quite right there either. I am trying to be ok, and I think it will get oodles better once I move and get a new job at the end of the summer.

Some of you may have heard that I am planning to go to school here. Well, that was the plan to some extent, but plans change. I do want to go to school, don't get me wrong, but I also don't want to pay six grand for one term of community college. I hopefully can start in winter term of this year, because I am thinking I'll be eligible for instate then. If not, it will have to wait till 2008. For those of you who don't know, I am no longer pursuing the pointless interior Design/Decorating degree, but I hope to go to Community College of Denver for a Human Services Degree. It's just an associates, but it should only take me 3 more terms, and it's better than nothing. Hopefully after that I can do some form of social work, but not like most of the ineffective crap that is run by the state.

The plan for now is to get a place at the end of summer with some other girls from the church, either in Denver or in Arvada (a little west of Denver where the church is for those of you who don't know) and the sweetest amazement of all amazements for a job. There is currently one Peet's huur, and hey check it: I was looking at craigslist yesterday, and they are opening another one!!! Really close to the church too, like maybe 4 or 5 miles away. So that is definitely an option...it would be like reuniting with my mum after a fight that caused us not to talk for like a month afterwards or something. Oh the sweet nectar of love. Anyway, the other option is (please don't get all skunk-like and think I am a superficial freak...unless you already thought that...but this should have no bearing on your opinion) working at a M.A.C. counter. I don't really know why, but I have always wanted to work there. I don't exactly have reasons, other than I like M.A.C. cause that’s what my mum wears and that's mostly what I wear if I can afford it, and I like the people who worked at the Washington square Nordstrom’s one. I don't know why, I mean, you think that being from the west side they would be jerks, but they were all very genuine and sweet...and pretty. Even the guys. I don't know...I really have a heart for the gay community, and so I really want to work with some gay people. I miss my Cory. =( Anyway, those all sound like way bizarre reasons but hey...so I'm not good at explaining myself sometimes...I just know I would like to work there, and perhaps avoid the food & drink scene for a while. Oh, and the small child scene too. They aren't actually moving closer to town this summer either, so that being as large of a factor as it is to me; I decided that there is prettymuch no reason or incentive for me to stay with them past the end of summer.

Don't get me wrong, I do like my job...to some degree. I am very grateful for it, and for the benefits I have, but I absolutely ABHORE the drive to get to anywhere I desire to be, and to be honest it feels like I am still living with my parents sometimes. They don't give me rules or anything, but I still feel like I must behave in a certain "daughter-like" manner, which I am quite tired of to say the least. Also, living here, it seems like even when I am "off" I should still be doing stuff. Like even if my aunt is home I feel like I should be the one plunging the toilet that her child clogged, and that I should be vacuuming or doing something productive while she watches. That's kind of ridiculous, I know, because I am a nanny, not a maid, but crimony, it's hard for me to lounge around when my "boss" is standing right there...and especially when she is doing something. Like, if she is cleaning, I feel like crap because "I probably should have done that before so she didn't have to do it now". It's crap. At the same time, I can't complain cause I get free rent, a free car, and I get to come back home a lot more than I would at any other job.

The next time I am coming home actually is like june 3rd or 4th through june 13th I think. Something like that. My aunt is off like the 1st through the 13th, so I can come home as long as I want. I mostly want to be there for rahal's graduation :) and mooberry and pete and annie and omar and all the sweets I know from OC's grad too. I am currently thinking that they are the 6th for Clackamas, and the 12th for OC, so ah, one of y'all tell me if you have any differing observations. And SOMEONE FROM OC BETTER BE GIVING ME A FREAKING TICKET. Or you will die. I can't not see my brothers graduate. If it comes to it, just copy some more. My sister copied hers on regular printer paper, and they let all her peeps in...

After that I should arrive in da p-town like oh...somewhere around my birthday if I can bat my eyelashes enough at my aunty to allow it to happen. That's like the end of July for those of you who don't know. Now, Mullets, I know you are planning your beach trip sometime...and I would like to ask, if at all possible, that you would schedule it during a time which I might be able to attend. There would be nothing I would love more than to spend a week or however long with all my loves at the flippin BEACH since we don't HAVE one. I miss water. And slight amounts of humidity. And rain. Especially on the roof at night, and running down the gutters. It's too quiet here.

After that, I will be quitting my job at the end of August, so I will fly back probably on the 1st of sept. I will then reinstate my insurance on my car that I didn't sell, and after my mum's, and possibly my pop's birthday(s) I will be taking me a road trip back to da Denver "metroplex". I prefer not to have to make this trek alone, so if you wanna come, lemme know. It will start somewhere around the 5th most likely, but may start as late as the 12th. Lemme know what works for you so I can plan around some other peeps. I'm going to want to take my stuff too, so if anyone has a truck or something that you wouldn't mind using as my entourage for 2 days to a week, also let me know ;) Thanks. I'ma stop this now cause it’s 12:45 in the am.