I'm (t)here

So here I sit in colorado. The flight I was trying to get on ended up being full, so I didn't get here till about 7:30 mountain time as they so lovingly refer to it. We got home about 8:30 and tomorrow is the first day I have to take care of the boys. It's an hour later here then it is there, so I really should be getting to sleep since I have to get them ready for school at 7:30. Unfortunately I can't just "go to sleep". That's so easy when you feel great, but not now. Yesterday I was having large amounts of anxiety and a few of you guys prayed over me. Thank you for your prayers, all three of you, you know who you are. You all made me feel a lot better and get a grip on what is really going on, and that this is going to be a good thing no matter what it feels like now. I was fine when I got here, but as soon as everyone went to bed about 2 hours ago and I had to be downstairs by myself everything changed...I have been crying on and off since then, and I want to shoot something because my phone doesn't work so I have no contact with people. It sucks so bad. I can't write this any more cause I am gonna cry again. I love you all so much. I miss you all, and I don't know what I am going to do without you. I guess that's why I'm here though...I need to not be so dependant on people. My heart seriously feels like it is having all the crap kicked out of it right to the edge of death...to the point where you would rather just die instead so you didn't have to deal with the torture of it all. No I am not saying I am suicidal. I just miss you all. God is gonna do good things, I know, but it's hard...I hate change. At least big change.