Asians?

Well...you know how I said I was gonna come out the 31st through the 4th? Um...I may be wrong. It's a long story. Let me start by saying IT'S GOING TO BE A STEELERS/SEAHAWKS SUPERBOWL!!!! My father is stoked :) My uncle is too...and he lives in Pittsburgh. Anyway, the plan was that my uncle was going to come out here for a visit on what just happened to be superbowl weekend, and now since it's everyone’s two favorite teams EVER he is trying to get tickets to it. That affects my plans cause, well, he was coming on most of the days I was going to be gone and my aunt needs another trip somewhere in the first half of February and she was not going to get it on those days. Now since my uncle might come after the Superbowl she might work the days I was going to come, and I will have to stay here to take care of the kiddies. I hope I can come for the superbowl though, because that is going to be my dad's favorite day for the next 5 years probably and I would love to spend it with him. I miss you guys all too, and I want to see you!!!

In other news, weird Asian people keep calling my house about my car and being all sketchy. Three people have called. The first was a woman who was all excited and wanted to come the next day but she never showed up, the second was a guy who could hardly speak English who wanted to just make an offer and he had never talked to either of my parents before or seen the car or anything. The third man I don't think was Asian. My mom said he was very nice and he was in love with my car. He thought the mileage and the price were good?! I mean I don't...he even wanted her to call him back if we got an offer on the car before he comes and looks at it, because he might want to make a higher offer :) so I hope that guy calls back.

Anyway, I ended up being able to go last night to the home group that is 45 minutes away from my house, and yeah, I got there...turns out its actually on Thursdays. That sucked. I wasted almost a half a tank of gas going there and back for no reason. It was amazing. At least I will be able to go more regularly now that it’s on Thursdays because the kids don’t have anything going on those days.

I will keep you guys posted on what the dates are I'm coming though. Habbagada.

I think I found a church :)

So yesterday was good. I went to the Vineyard church...it's about 45 minutes away, but it was well worth the drive. The people there were friendly, and a lot of people introduced themselves to me and asked me a million questions. Most of the people there are in thier 20's or 30's, and the pastor is probably somewhere around 30 aswell. One of the girls named Skylar was really extremely sweet. She is 23 or 24 and she leads one of the small groups (they have like 6 even though there is less than 100 people in the whole church). She is a nanny too, but she isn't live in. She told me about herself and asked me questions and she introduced me to other people as her "friend". There are lots of emo kids there...heh...they are all early or mid twenties, probably finishing college or something. I didn't meet too many of them, but there are probably a good 20 people there that are under 25 that probably go to Skylar's small group, and hopefully I can befriend some peeps. Skylar gave me her # and told me we could go out for coffee or anything sometime if I wanted to.

I can't go to the small group this week cause its on a tuesday, and I have to stay home with Nic while my uncle takes Kris to cub scouts or something. And I can't go next week cause GUESS WHY...!!! I GET TO COME VISIT!!! Yes, it's true...the 31at I get to come home! It's a Tuesday, and I get to stay through that Saturday which is the 4th. Hopefully you guys all remember me and don't hate me by now like I had a dream about...but I miss you all and would love to see you :) I can't wait!

Anyway, I realized yesterday, after my amazing time at church, that I might be hindering the work God is trying to do in me and maybe even through me. I have had this mindset ever since before I left that I was going to come back at least by the end of the summer. I realized that this mindset is keeping me from giving myself fully to anything that could potentially happen here. I have chosen to keep a certain amount of distance between me and anything that I percieve as something I might come to enjoy or that I think would be even slightly painful to part from when I leave. I am not acting like this is my home now, but as though I am still just a visitor. Everytime I think I am alone I just think "well it's only for a little while and if I can just tromp through it then I can go back to Oregon and pretend like none of this ever happened". That is sooooo detramental. I can't learn anything that way. I am not leaning on God or what he wants, I am still just holding to what feels the most comfortable right now. I am not abandoned yet, I am fleeing from abandonment as much as I can.

The sermon yesterday was about hell. He talked about all the questions people ask him most frequently about hell, and one was "how can a good God send people to hell?" and I have heard that question and it's answer a million times, but really it's not because he wants to, it's because that's what the people want. We have free will, and we are the one's who choose over and over again to say "no" to God, so when we die we think we can go to heaven because we believe all the nice things about God, when really the whole time we kept saying "no" to him, we didn't want to be with him, so he gives us what we wanted. We don't have to be with him. But that's not what I want. I want to be with God, I want to say "yes" to him, and even though it's not always going to be the most comfortable thing, and even though what he conciders to be best wouldn't always be my first choice of what's best, I still need to say "yes". I don't know what he is going to do. I might come back i n two months, I might die in three, I might come back at the end of summer, or I might not come back at all. It doesn't really matter. No matter what I want, God is going to get his way. If I am not supposed to be here then he will find a way to get me back there, but if I am not supposed to be there, he will find a way to keep me here. There is no use fighting God, it's not going to get me anywhere, it will only weary me and get me further away from him until I am all alone on my own side with no one to fight for me. So as of yesterday I am going to try to give that all up. I am not going to act like I am coming home in 6-8 months. I am not going to act like anything, unless I feel like that's what God is really saying.

Look what happens when I leave!

Well. I don't know why, but it seems that whenever I leave, some one I care about has to get sent to the hospital. It pisses me off. Maybe it means I'm good luck though? :P No, I know it doesn't. Anyway, so for those of you who don't know or who haven't found Chaz's blog yet, he got in an accident yesterday. Some white trash punk in a beefy car decided they didn't feel like stopping at the RED light that Chaz was so obediently stopped at with his baby boy in the back seat, doing his best to take perfect care of him. Anywho, the jerks smashed right into him and shoved "the chariot" into the car in front of them. I want to punch that man. Chaz saw them in the mirror, so he braced himself-which btw is the WORST thing you can do because then all your muscles and ligaments and all that other stuff inside is tense and doesn't "go with the flow" it just ends up tearing or whatever. So basically his left arm gave out, and its hurting him bad, his back and neck hurt, and he slammed his chest into the steering wheel, and that is what is bothering him the most. Luckily Cruz is fine though, not even whiplash I guess. The car is totaled and they both went to the hospital to make sure nothing was wrong. Chaz, however, decided to go against the recommendations of the doctor's and signed papers saying that's exactly what he did, and he didn't get x-rays!!! So now he is in EMMENCE pain, and his chest is all bruised up and he can't breath and he's feeling it all even through all the vikidin he is on...I told him to go back to the hospital today, but he didn't of course. He apparently thought he could "sleep it off". Boys. His mom made an appointment for him Friday to go to the family doctor though...hopefully they can bump it up to tomorrow. I just hope and pray nothing is broken and that he would have peace and quick healing and wisdom for the doctor's to know what to do to make it better as quick as possible. Well, anywho, I talked to Chaz a long time last night, and I am sure many of you know what's been going on lately (before I left), if not by me directly telling you, then through the grapevine, but we are official now :) Unfortunately he was all drugged up on vikidin or something when he asked, but he would have anyway. Yeah. So. That's that. Don't be too shocked or anything there, settle down now...heh.

So my boxes FINALLY came yesterday. I have been trying to figure out how I am going to decorate my room and bathroom. I bought some stuff, and picked out colors to paint, but I have to run them by my aunt tomorrow. She has been gone since Friday at zero dark thirty...and she is getting home in probably an hour. She said I could have free reign here with décor, but I want to paint the bathroom red, and it is quite small, so I don't know whether or not she is going to approve. I hope she does cause I already bought towels and a shower curtain and whatnot. I also had to spend HOURS packing all of my grandmother’s goodies. I didn't even have enough boxes (mostly cause I melted the two together, so it’s only able to be used as one now...) so I had to fill up a whole entire dresser with her stuff. Luckily I have a big closet, so I don't need the dresser. There is a bookshelf filled with all sorts of odd books and "MUZZY: a video language course" which teaches Spanish to like toddlers or something...I think I might try to learn since *someone* won't teach me it.

I am a bit scared that my aunt is coming back, cause as far as I can remember she told me that they had free unlimited long distance, but I asked my uncle about it the other day and he sounded like he didn't know that they did...I have probably spent about 6 or 7 hundred minutes on their phone since I got here...so I might be in for it :( I also didn’t apply for the coffee job she got me an application for. It’s the opposite way from their house that the freeway is though, and I don’t want to be that far in the middle of nowhere. I haven’t applied anywhere yet though…I think I am going to apply at Albertson’s tomorrow though…and as much as I would hate it, I might even apply at the Starbucks inside Albertson’s. I do need a second job though, cause since I am not going to school meeting people is very hard. I want to try a different Church on Sunday. It’s called Arvada Vineyard, and I figure you can’t really go wrong with a Vineyard. Their website is a bit lacking in info, but that just makes me think it is a small church which I would love. It‘s a bit more then a half an hour away, but I don’t mind the drive, I mean I used to do that in Portland too, so it’s not different. I just hope that if it is a small church there is at least someone there my age. They have small groups, and hopefully I could get connected to a good small group there that might be a bit closer. I also am thinking of trying to go to the Denver HOP. It’s pretty far away, but I would love to go there and get connected a bit, and maybe they could recommend a church to me incase this one doesn’t work out.

As far as hobbies go, I tried to knit today. I failed miserably. I casted on enough times to knit a whole entire scarf probably, but it would have been an ugly nasty one. I watched how-to’s on the net, but it didn’t help a whole lot. I couldn’t figure out what on earth I was doing wrong…I might try again tomorrow after I clean out my car and find out whether or not I can paint how I want, and pretend like I am going to go get a job. There is a Quizno’s too…maybe I should apply there? I will probably just eat there tomorrow and check out the people. Other then that there is a Home Depot, McD’s, Wal-Mart and creepy gas station a bit closer to the freeway, but I don’t particularly want to work at any of those places. I can’t wait to get my guitar, and once I get connected to a church I will probably seek out help with it…I’d hate to have it and not do anything with it. I saw some scene kids the other day, but I don’t really want to learn how to be emo. Well, I miss you all and you should like um, be careful and not get hurt like Moofis did last time I was gone and like Chaz just did...that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

My day...

So I think I'm really good at almost burning down houses...cause I almost did it again today. The basement was really cold, so I asked Kristjan how you turn on the heat. He went over and flipped a switch on the fake wood-burning stove furnace-y thing...I haven't used it before, so I thought maybe there was a low and a high, but I guess there is just a high. My aunt bought some big Rubbermaid containers the other day, and they were in front of the furnace. My cousin moved them a bit, and I figured maybe he knew how far away stuff should be, cause I thought he knew how hot the thing would get. Apparently I was wrong. They went upstairs, then a few minutes later I went upstairs, and we stayed there for a good hour, and when I opened the door to come back downstairs I felt a ginormous heat wave of about 15 or 20 degrees difference. I went to turn off the heater, and noticed that it smelled a bit plastic-y, and looked down to see a big glob of green goo melting off the side of the containers...they melted together :( I am probably in trouble. I don't know why they thought it would be a good idea to put me in charge of small children.

As for the rest of my day, I went to church this morning. Not really everything I hoped it would be. I didn't really "click" with anyone, and the sermon was loooooooooooooong and a little shallow. The college group before church was pretty good. A couple in their 20's came to talk about a mission they have been doing in a village in Nepal in the Himalayas...they were very cool people. They were very humble and were really servants to these people, who are all Hindu or Buddhist. The people said that they know who their God is by their actions, instead of by their words like most Christians. They came back for a couple months to birth their first child, and they are leaving again on Wednesday to go back to the village. They already built 2 paths up to the village as well as a school, and they are going back to continue the school and hopefully train some basic care nurses. They said its horrible there because they most common cause of death are easily curable diseases. 6 children died last year from fevers because they families see them shaking and they think they must be cold so they bundle them up in blankets and make them sit next to fires, so their temperatures just keep rising, hit 108 and they die. Another common thing is diarrhea. People see that their feces are runny, so they think they have too much liquid in their bodies, so they stop drinking liquids and die of dehydration. Their main focus is to equip the people with the tools and knowledge they need to be self-sufficient and to show them the love of Christ through servanthood. They said that the church that is already in place there hated them when they came, because they chose to live in a Hindu family's house instead of the pastor's house. The Christians that are already there believe that they are holy and set apart, and as such they should not mingle with those who are "unclean" because they might become "tainted" by them. Slowly that mentality is fading away because they are being shown that they can all live together in peace, and that that is how they can show Christ better.

In other news, I bought a guitar today :) Well, I can't take it home till the 31st, cause its used, and it just came in a few days ago, and they need to make sure it wasn't stolen. Its an Ibanez Acoustic Performance series, satin finish, dark brown, and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It + case + about $22 tax = $271.11. I think its worth it. I am only paying around 94 bucks out of pocket. I guess if I want knew stings that’s gonna be a bit more too. They only thing that I don't like is that they don't exactly "refurbish" the guitars when they sell them used, and it's is almost perfect, save one small chunk someone took out of the back. Its not al the way through, and its only about half the size of a dime, but it still does bother me. I tried to find a pic on the net of it, but I couldn't...so you guys will just have to wait till I get it and a digital camera to see it...

IHOPness

So I ordered some cd's and a book from IHOP. I ordered Misty Edwards new one, Pablo Perez's Return (Misty is on that one with him) and his other one called Majestic Splendor, an instrumental one called Solitude 3 by Nick Syrett, and the book is Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge. I think I jumped a little overboard. I finally figured out how to hear Pablo Perez's CD and I don't know if I like it...I can't figure out any way to like...unorder it though. Do any of you know a way to?

I am currently watching 4 children...the two neighbor girls are over...

The Days Events:

I went to bed at about 1:30 last night and got up today at 7:30. I remembered my aunt said that they have free long distance on thier land line :) so I talked to Chaz for a while last night and that made me feel a lot better. He gave me a few ideas of how much worse stuff could be, so really I don't have it that bad. If anyone feels like callng me EVER, please PLEASE DO! You can try to call my cell, its the same 503 # and I will probably give Rachel and Chaz the land line # so ask them for it, I don't think I should put it on here :P If you are gonna call the land line, please don't call past about 8 mountain time which is 9 on the west coast, because that's when the kids go to bed.

I didn't black out yet, so that's a good sign. I am very very tired and my eyes hurt like none other cause I have cried so much, but I am doing well, it is sunny out, so that probably helps a great deal with my mood. I am going shopping a bit today and I am probably going to try to make it to the nearest Guitar Center and try to pick something or at least browse a bit. Tonight the kids get home about 3:30 and at the older one has baseball practice for an hour. I am also going to call the College group leader guy to see what they are doing tomorrow. I was going to call him last night but it was kinda late when we got here and I was on the verge of dry heaving, so that didn't make for a good combo. On the Lookout Mountain Church web site they say that they have get-togethers on Saturday nights ussually and they have college group Sunday mornings before church starts, so hopefully I can hook up with some good people over the next few days.

I am debating whether or not to apply at the little coffee shop downtown. It's not a chain or anything, just a random little oddball coffee shop. The hours seem good, but I kinda want to do something a bit more up-beat maybe. Plus minimum wage here is still like barely $6 I think so I couldn't possibly make that much cash. People hate coffee here, I am not even sure that shop is going to survive. I do have two other offers though for some type of babysitting which generally pay a bit more then other jobs. I still am not sure about those though, I would rather do something a bit more social and public service-ish.

I think I want to buy a ditgital camera of some sort. I want a nice one that I can control a good amount of stuff on or just use like regular. If any of you (moofis, jake, rahal) have any suggestions, they would be much appreciated. I also might look into guitar lessons. I don't really know how to go about that. I want someone who is Christian...I am thinking I should just ask around at the church if anyone teaches anything there. I am going to miss the hop so bad guys. have fun tonight all of you who are going...

I'm (t)here

So here I sit in colorado. The flight I was trying to get on ended up being full, so I didn't get here till about 7:30 mountain time as they so lovingly refer to it. We got home about 8:30 and tomorrow is the first day I have to take care of the boys. It's an hour later here then it is there, so I really should be getting to sleep since I have to get them ready for school at 7:30. Unfortunately I can't just "go to sleep". That's so easy when you feel great, but not now. Yesterday I was having large amounts of anxiety and a few of you guys prayed over me. Thank you for your prayers, all three of you, you know who you are. You all made me feel a lot better and get a grip on what is really going on, and that this is going to be a good thing no matter what it feels like now. I was fine when I got here, but as soon as everyone went to bed about 2 hours ago and I had to be downstairs by myself everything changed...I have been crying on and off since then, and I want to shoot something because my phone doesn't work so I have no contact with people. It sucks so bad. I can't write this any more cause I am gonna cry again. I love you all so much. I miss you all, and I don't know what I am going to do without you. I guess that's why I'm here though...I need to not be so dependant on people. My heart seriously feels like it is having all the crap kicked out of it right to the edge of death...to the point where you would rather just die instead so you didn't have to deal with the torture of it all. No I am not saying I am suicidal. I just miss you all. God is gonna do good things, I know, but it's hard...I hate change. At least big change.